The Relationship You Have with You

Subtle and yet so obvious

Poor Fence, 2013. cinderblock, concrete, rebar, cloth. Obviously, a very strange image to attach to running newsletter, but when I made it, I thought about how many fences we see as people and runners, and how we determine if we can go through or around them. Fences simply mark starts and ends to things; they are not themselves starts and ends. That’s how your relationship with yourself is; it seems bounded, but are the boundaries the start? Or the end? Or neither?

Last week, we talked about how to manage your boredom during runs. This week, we're taking that further and talking about the relationship we build with ourselves. 

Start Building

The foundation for this work is, as always, clear-eyed acceptance of ourselves and where we are. I like to repeat this maxim to myself when I’m struggling with acceptance: 

Start where you are, not where you think you should be.

I’ve had several restarts over my three decades running. I started over (with cross training!) after experiencing major IT band issues, and again after two pregnancies. There are also less dramatic but more regular types of restarts, like with every seasonal change. Approach these restarts as opportunities to try something new or to tackle an issue you’ve had. I have used injury to address my persistently weak adductors and seasonal change to become less rigid about running at the same time every day. Starting over is part of the practice, and "should" has no place in it. Don't waste your time trying to be where you should be. Be where you are; start there.

Start Balancing

If you can manage to start where you are, you have a good change of experiencing compounding benefits to your practice. By taking these opportunities to get to know yourself, you build a relationship with your body and your mind. Which sounds weird, because one would assume we already have those relationships, inherently. But we do and we don’t have them. They exist, but they’re not necessarily strong or positive.

As examples, we’re all aware that our minds tell us untruths all the time: about our weight, looks, abilities, etc. Then, when we're sick or injured, it can feel like our bodies themselves are betraying us. Running helps build and maintain an awareness of and feedback mechanisms with your body and mind, cultivating a more conscious self, which is a goal of stoicism and a really positive way to live.

Cityscape Over Construction Site (Unpictured), 35mm film photograph, 2019. We’re all made up of so many disparate parts, parts that don’t “go” together: like an old church, a McDonald’s, a glass tower, and an old bank building. We’re crowned by the sky that changes by the second. We’ve got an open construction pit at our feet. We have to deal with all that, and we can.

As you build more conscious relationships with your body and mind, you’ll quickly discover that neither relationship is more important than the other and that they are, in fact, deeply interwoven. So here’s a second truth I’ve discovered in my training:

You are not just your brain, and you’re not just your body. For better or worse, you’re an intricate combination of both.

That’s what people are talking about when they talk about mind/body connection. And that's what we're going for in stoic running: a balanced, conscious relationship with our minds, and a balanced, conscious relationship with our bodies.

As you explore and build these relationships, the work doesn’t have to be all drudgery. Indeed, discovering how your body and mind work and work together is fun and cool a lot of times, much better than a lot of other activities presented to us in the modern world (like scrolling and buying things). Try not to make completion your goal; there is no completion in your relationship with yourself. Instead, feel how good it feels while you’re working on yourself. 

Look Outward

As part of this process, you might consider talking to your loved ones about it, to share your experience. Listen to them as they might find ways to understand themselves more.

You can use this process to strengthen your connections with others. You’re not trying to reach nirvana or to experience a transcendental state; you’re just trying to feel good every day, and part of feeling good is sharing your life with others. 

So feel your wonderful, strong mind and body working for you, appreciate them and revel in them, even when one part of your mind is telling you how boring or useless it all is and maybe some part of your body is telling you it’s not strong enough to push through one more back kick. Then, turn your experience outward to share with others, and listen to their experiences. That’s a stoic path to happiness, and that’s the athlete’s and scholar’s path as well. 

Self portrait in a mirror, 2018. digital photograph. Be cool with yourself. It’s the only way.

See you again next week on social and in this newsletter. For today, remember: go run.